CHOOSING TO FORGIVE 15 March - International Forgiving Day

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations
Oscar Wilde

It all began on Riviera Radio in February 1995. I was being interviewed by Nikki Williams on her weekly programme: “A Problem Aired”. The topic was: “Forgiveness - when it is really difficult”.

At the time, my own motivation for forgiving was closely associated with the process of divorce I was undergoing and the emotional distress and confusion I was experiencing. It grew harder to forgive myself for my shortcomings in the marriage than my to-be-ex husband. Nevertheless, I began to recognize that forgiving would call upon inner strength to appreciate myself, beyond my perceived faults and failings.

The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

Towards the end of the radio programme, having had some animated conversations with callers-in, we had the idea to declare 15 March International Forgiving Day, to be celebrated globally and annually. 15 March because it was two weeks after this initial programme and gave us two more weeks to promote the idea on air.

How, you may be wondering, would anyone want to “celebrate” forgiveness? Because we can forgive. And what does that mean? Essentially, it means that the love within us can heal and let go of the the hurt and pain of the past, liberating ourselves to enjoy the present and future in a greater, richer way than before. Forgiving is actually a gift we give to ourselves.

That moment inside of you where you forgive
what’s happened is the moment when you are enlightening yourself.
John-Roger

The curious thing is that 15 March is associated with the Ides of March; the betrayal and assassination of Julius Caesar. Typically, we are betrayed or hurt by those closest to us. So it takes great courage, and a commitment of the heart, to forgive those we thought should love us and never hurt us.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
William Blake

This year, Easter follows the weekend after Forgiving Day. I love the celebration of Easter because it brings the spirit of new hope and growth after the darkness of winter. It speaks to me of the triumph of the human spirit over the challenges, doubts and difficulties that confront us.

The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness, William Blake. Forgiving is fully a celebration of the heart because it is a wonder of wisdom, courage and love over the lesser emotions of resentment, fear, anger and self-doubt, which limit our present capacity for joy and fulfilment. The main purpose of Forgiving Day was to open the conversation on forgiving; to touch into the experience of what forgiving could mean; to accept that sometimes, it is just not possible to forgive; to recognize the value of forgiving.

Forgiveness is giving up the idea
that the past could have had different results.
Unknown

During the ten years I held the vision for International Forgiving Day, I was living in Tourrettes sur Loup - known as a violet growing area. In the days leading up to 15 March, the gardens of the house where I was living were filled with wild violets. These tiny flowers have the most powerful scent, penetrating and at the same time, gentle. Similarly, I discovered that the loving it takes to forgive is very powerful, subtle and pure.

The power of forgiving I came to associate with the violet, both in the colour and the scent. Poignantly perhaps...

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds
on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain

There is great beauty in our part of the world - from the rugged mountains of the Alpes Maritimes to the sweetness of the Mediterranean shorelines and the brightly coloured gardens in summertime. Less obvious is the gentle beauty of many people I have met here and come to know. I have had to live here a while to discover them.

The diamond is a gem we associate with love, beauty and endurance. A diamond is a crystal which is composed of the element, carbon. In order for diamonds to form, they require extremely high pressures and temperatures, which are only found in the deep levels of the earth. Are we not diamonds in the making?

A polished diamond has many facets - each reflects light from a different angle. So too with forgiving. Each 15 March, as I celebrated Forgiving Day, I experienced a greater depth, and another facet of, forgiving.

What if we each carry a diamond of love within us? My work with individuals and groups trained me to recognize the diamond bright within my clients, often concealed by the dilemmas of the moment.

We have the possibility to be “for - giving” of our love in many circumstances. To give of our love is to serve ourselves and our fellow humans; to be a blessing in our world.

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—
and be good to yourself,
because without you the rest of us are
without a source of many wonderful things.
Leo F. Buscaglia

Through the freedom that forgiving brings to us, we gain the capacity for greater joy, laughter and celebration. Forgiving is like a spiritual spring clean that results not only in greater peace of mind, but also in a renewal of energy, enthusiasm and appetite for living.

Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace.
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

© Anne Naylor 2008